above left Apathy: 50 and above right Acceptance: 350

I have an aversion toward getting into the habit of explaining images or describing what they are supposed to mean. Though, in rebellion of this reluctance, these two entangled images reenter my mind; alongside the feeling that they deserve their own space and accompaniment in this little world that I am curating.

There is a real fear of nothingness in me. That I may mean nothing, sure, is a hellish thought, but my oblivion begins with feeling nothing. Apathy, non-bitter silent killer. Therein, no passionate failure, since there was no motion nor emotion to begin with. Stillborn. We medicate toward it, yet, don't we?

London was magical then. For a place known for being so grey, the light in the warm months makes life feel enchanted. We started shooting at the crack of dawn, played dress up, laughed, and got really high all day. We used to be in love, my collaborator and I. SINCeRITY is my diary come to life. We ignored each other for almost a year before this shoot. I couldn’t stop taking her picture when we stopped for lunch. I nearly lost it when she laid her head in my lap.

She introduced me to Levent, the subject in the images, at a party the week before. Levent was in a period of rejecting their transsexualism. It was so compelling. I saw my own thought-loops made manifest in this beautiful beautiful boy. The fashion was so charged. Heels and bras felt perverse. The lived in work boots worn day after day after day. It was all so real. The dress made from boys underwear, cut up by the doctors that night at the hospital. The scars down the legs. That is the magic of dream language. When you open yourself as channel, the image becomes a net for all the disarticulated parts of the hidden and collective mind.

The work of Dr David R Hawkins first came into my purview by way of my Father. These works are in a direct conversation with his theory first defined in Power v.s Force……….